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DOTS
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I wrote this letter to the Tootsie Roll people after finding some deformed DOTS that had a still unidentified white substance imbeded on a few of the pieces of gumdrops. Barry Cuda June 28, 2005 Tootsie Roll Industries, Inc. RE: Dots Assorted Fruit Flavored Gumdrops Dear Consumer Relations, I am worried. I've eaten your Dots candy ever since I was old enough to remember. Dots were hands down my favorite candy. However, I don't know what to think anymore after opening a box of Dots today and finding horrendous terrorist-tampered candy within. It is like nothing I have ever seen in my life and it has petrified me to no end. I know the terrorists are behind this. As you know, the terrorists are everywhere these days and you should be aware that you have inadvertently hired these maniacs to work in your candy making factory. Terrorists are obviously screwing with your Dots and trying to kill the Dots consumer. But I'm smart enough not to fall for their maniacal schemes, and instead of eating their poisonous concoctions, I'm able to thwart their evil tactics by writing you this letter and making you aware of what is going on! But enough of my rant; see for yourself what I am talking about:  As you can plainly see, there is a white fatal anthrax-type of substance imbedded on several of my Dots - clearly not normal to me. This could only be the work of terrorists! How many dim Americans have fallen prey to these evil-doers by foolishly eating these venomous confections? Not I, but who? I know most Americans enjoy eating Dots, especially at the movies. It's dark at the movies and most people do not pay much attention to what is coming out of the box. The terrorists know this - that's why they've chosen Dots as the candy to kill Americans with. Oh, how I hate this day! They've taken an all-American staple and are now using it against us. What's next? Are they going to replace hot dogs with miniature sticks of dynamite?! Can I not eat anything in peace anymore? Must I always be alert to everything? This is driving me crazy! I can't even leave my house anymore - I'm too scared of what will happen. There's only one thing we can do. You will need to finance a trip for my roommate to visit the factory where these Dots were made. His name is Bruce Burns, and he will act as my proxy. I'm guessing these Dots are made in Chicago near the address that I'm writing to, so you will need to fly him roundtrip from Austin to Chicago (or wherever the factory is) and back. You will then need to make arrangements to pick him up at the airport. Bruce is a very thorough and professional man - make sure he's well taken care of - you won't regret his services, which other than travel, food, and lodging expenses, will be free of charge since he will be working on our behalf. Bruce will inspect your candy plant for terrorist activity, eradicate any probable sources, and in general make sure that everything is safe and stable. You will no longer have to fret about the Dots being penetrated by evil terrorist plots. Once this has been done, make sure Bruce flies back to Austin where he'll give me a full report. Take care of the arrangements at once and send me the details as quickly as possible. Until then, I remained concerned. Sincerely, |
| The Dots (Tootsie Roll Industries) Response:
July 8, 2005 Barry Cuda Dear Barry: Thank you for the letter and picture. The white substance in your box of Dots candy was identified as some moulding starch. The cornstarch is used to create the forms which shape our Dots candy. All the starch should have been removed during processing, but it is apparent that some was missed during inspection. The cornstarch is food grade and not harmful, but it is never our intention to have any remain on our candy. You can be assured that Quality Control will review their process and inspections, and take whatever actions necessary to prevent and eliminate this problem. We regret any undue concern this matter may have caused you, and we appreciate your having taken the time to alert us to a situation which you felt was not in keeping with the high standards of quality which we set for our products. Sincerely, TOOTSIE ROLL INDUSTRIES, INC. |
